Again
by just drifting
Summary: Because once again, I had failed. Once again, I had let my family down. It’s different this time, the situations reversed. I had not killed a human; I had let her escape. And I was going to pay the price-- Jasper when Bella escapes him in Twilight


I feel her from across the hallway, undulated fear pulsing from her in waves. She moves fast, but not fast enough. I can just feel her annoyance at having to move at human pace, but it is buried almost entirely beneath the terror. My eyes lock with hers. _What's wrong?_

"She's gone." Her words reach me easily, but I don't understand. Who? Who is gone? My eyes search the surrounding area but I see nothing out of place. Alice reaches me, and grabs my arm as if to steady herself. "Bella's gone." Constant waves of dread wash over me. Over and over and over again. Her small body is almost shaking, quivering, and she holds me tighter.

My confusion is apparent. In this moment, I have very little control over my emotions, Alice making it almost impossible. People surrounding us have confused looks on their faces, because I have lost control. I make no move to grasp hold of them though and my confusion does not penetrate Alice's fear, so I must verbalise my feeling.

"_What_?"

"She escaped. She ran away. She's going to _him_. She's going to die. _Edward_!" Her last word isn't at a normal volume and it isn't to me. Her voice echoes through the hall. People stare at us and move away, but I don't notice them, because I have quickly put her semi-coherent string of words together and their meaning is clear. The world around me quietens to a mere murmur and bells ring in my ears, because it hits me.

Once again, I have failed. Once again, I have let my family down. But it's different this time, ironic almost; the situations are reversed. I have not killed a human; I have let her escape. And I am going to pay the price, once again, only somehow, this time would be so much worse.

When I return to the world, Alice is pulling at my sleeve. Wordlessly, I follow her, and we run. But we are not nearly fast enough. People push and prod and we are slowed. We push and prod back, but it is too crowded to move fast. Alice's feelings mirror my own as desperation is slowly added to the mix. This is our fault. How can we ever look in Edward's desolate face again if we do not reach her in time?

We continue to push, with stronger determination now. Those around us don't understand when they are shoved brutally from our path, but we don't have the time to be gentle. Alice shouts for Edward again, but I understand now. He must be somewhere here, trying to find us.

We reach the doors of the airport and push into the open air. Thank God it's a cloudy day. We stand outside for no more than a second, but we hesitate only because we're unsure of where to turn next. It is in that second that Edward joins us. He looks frantic, and I can't meet his eyes. His feelings say enough though. He takes off, running just a little too fast to appear human. We follow, but at a slower pace. I can hear Carlisle and Emmett fall in behind us.

We hit a line of trees and Edward is gone. We take off right behind him but he is soon too far ahead to hear. Alice runs beside me. Her emotions are such a mix, so confusing, but I do not attempt to discern them. We don't speak, even though it would not hinder us, and I am glad. I can feel her worry, but I cannot calm her. I try to concentrate solely on my legs pounding on the forest floor, try to concentrate only on going faster, but my mind wanders, despite my protests.

I still don't understand how Bella could have gotten away, only that she did, and it is my fault. She didn't pass me, I know that at least, but was there something I may have overlooked when she walked away from me into the restroom? I shouldn't have let her out of my sight, I know. We promised Edward we wouldn't, but still we failed such a simple request. Or more, I failed. As major who was once at war, how could one tiny human girl have outwitted me? How could I let such a thing happen. Or was it merely in my genetic makeup to be a failure?

As we run, Alice takes my hand. I'm sure whatever I am feeling is projecting outwards towards her, or maybe it is just that she knows me too well. But her hand does nothing to ease my frantic state of mind. I am so used to being the weakest link in my family, the one who always slips up, the one who always lets the others down. But to have let them down on something so huge,_ so important_, is overwhelming, but not at all out of character.

I know they will soothe me with kind words later. _"It's not your fault," "You couldn't have known," _they will say when it's over, just as they do every time I slip up. But, just like every other time, it won't be okay, and it will be all my fault. _Again_.

But maybe this time will be different. Maybe they won't forgive me. Maybe Alice will no longer hold me lovingly and tell me she understands. Maybe Esme will no longer be compassionate, maybe Carlisle will no longer tell me I'm doing well and will improve, maybe Emmett will no longer pat me on the back and make me laugh... Certainly Edward will no longer listen in to my thoughts and tell me to stop being absurd. Certainly now he'll finally agree with me. He'll finally admit that I am a monster. And he'll be correct.

I push my legs harder. To get to Bella faster or to escape the torrent of thoughts that blacken my mind, I can't be sure. My strides get longer and I overtake Alice. My hand is pulled from hers and falls to my side as I move further and further away from her.

When we reach our destination, I can't be sure I'll stop.

**END**

**Dedicated to my lovely Tubby Wubby, who beta'd extensively for this little dribble drabble. She is awesome, and she made it so much better than it would have been. Thank you so much! (And please, leave me a lovely, swear-filled review if you please. :P). And Tub, I'll make you a deal. I'll submit this to twilighted if you submit your story.**

**Hope you enjoyed and be sure to just take a little time to let me know what you thought!**


End file.
